The mirror on the wall
Displays my deepest thoughts and feelings
Through smug looks and unblinking stares.

And despite the things I've thrown
The reproach it gives me; multiplies.
And all I see is shattered dreams, amidst glass.

The eyes that stare up
From the damaged floor, keep me awake at night
Lying in a pool of blood; my own.

But the more I push my reflection away
The more fragile I become.
And the guilt dripping from my hands, creates a pool at my feet.

The shard I grasp in my hand
Destroys my dreams, my life
In one unaimed blow.

And all that's left is to wait and see
Because hope wont come back,
And neither will he.

Isaiah 5:1-7

Let me sing for my Beloved
My love song concerning his vineyard:
My beloved had a vineyard
On a fertile hill.
He dug it and cleared it of stones,
And planted it with choice vines;
He built a watchtower in the midst of it,
And hewed out a wine vat in it;
And he looked for it to yield grapes,
But it yielded wild grapes.

And now, O inhabitants of Jerusalem
And men of Judah,
Judge between me and my vineyard,
What more was there to do for my vineyard,
That I have not done in it?
When I looked to it to yield grapes,
Why did it yield wild grapes?

And now i will tell you
What i will do to my vineyard.
I will remove its hedge,
And it will be grazed over,
I will remove its wall,
And it shall be trampled down.
I will make it a waste;
It shall not be pruned or hoed,
And briers and thorns shall grow up;
I will also command the clouds
That they will rain no rain upon it.

For the vineyard of the Lord of hosts
Is the house of Israel,
And the men of Judah
Are his pleasant planting;
And he looked for justice,
But behold, bloodshed;
For righteousness,
But behold, and outcry!

For as the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out of my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out in joy and be lead forth in peace; the mountains and hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, and everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.

Isaiah 55:10-13

Desert Places

By Robert Frost

Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast
In a field I looked into going past,
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,
But a few weeds and stubble showing last.

The woods around it have it-- it is theirs.
All animals are smothered in their lairs.
I am too absent-spirited to count;
The lonliness includes me unawares.

And lonely as it is in that lonliness
Will be more lonely ere it will be less-
a blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars--on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.

The Red Wheelbarrow

By William Carlos Williams

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

Ars Poetica

by Archibald Macleish

A poem should be palpable and mute
As a globed fruit,

Dumb
As old medallions to the thumb,

Silent as the sleeve-worn stone
Of casement ledges where moss has grown-

A poem should be wordless
As the flight of birds.

A poem should be motionless in time
As the moon climbs,

Leaving, as the moon releases
Twig by twig the night entangled trees,

Leaving, as the moon behind the winter leaves,
Memory by memory the mind-

A poem should be motionless in time
As the moon climbs.

A poem should be equal to:
Not true.

For all the history of grief
An empty doorway and a maple leaf.

For love
The leaning grasses and two lights above the sea-

A poem should not mean
but be.

Speak Louder?

Beautiful words;
Full of illusions
And allurements.
Drawing nearer...
Beckoning.
What to say?
What to do?
Flattery,
In these empty words.
False hope;
Do we give it up?
Such attraction,
For things so temporary.
To speak...or not.
Does it give life to death?
Beautiful words;
Full of lies and truths stretched,
Of promised dreams; shattered.
A mirage of empty speech.
Actions speak louder;
For no matter how brilliant the delivery,
Empty words do no good.

Awaken Me

I've got to break free
Of this prison called 'Independence'
I've got to learn what true freedom is

Remind me that you are who i want
Show me how to count
For something more than this
Teach me that falling isn't so bad
If you are there to catch me

Revive my soul
Breathe life into this death
Reveal to me who you truly are
Awaken me again

I've got to let go of these 'Obligations'
That I have tied myself up in
I've got to rediscover that you are all I need

Remind me what the promises are
Show me your hand amidst this downpour
Before I drown in disbelief
Take my hand and help me up
Show me who you want me to be

Revive my soul
Breathe life into this death
Reveal to me who you truly are
Awaken me again

I have got to stop sleeping
When all the world is in turmoil
I have to remember
The meaning of the Resurrection

Revive me
Renew my spirit
Awaken my life, O Lord

Hypocritical Message of Repentance

I told you that God loved you,
Then turned and prayed for your punishment.
I preached about forgiveness,
And called down fire from heaven.
I said God was slow to anger,
Then told you you were going to hell.

What am I becoming?
Where is the mercy I received?
When did I become the Judge?
This is the hypocrite in me.

I ate you up with my bitterness,
While telling you to 'bear the cost'.
I said His yoke was easy,
It's your own fault you're so burdened.

What am I becoming?
Where is the mercy I received?
When did I become the Judge?
This is the hypocrite in me.

I told you how easy it is for me,
All the while hanging by a thread.
I kept a smile plastered on,
While I struggled with my guilt.

What am I becoming?
Where is the mercy I received?
When did I become the Judge?
This is the hypocrite in me.

God, help me surrender.
God, give me strength.
I want to be honest.
I want to tell the truth.
Change me, make me yours alone.

Isaiah 54:1-14

"Sing O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of the one who is married," says the Lord.

"Enlarge the place of your tent,
and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
and strengthen your stakes.

For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left,
and your offspring will possess the nations
and will people the desolate cities.

Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood,
you will remember no more.

For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.

For the Lord has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.

For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.

In overflowing anger for a moment,
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,"
says the Lord, your Redeemer.

"This is like the days of Noah to me;
I swore that the waters of Noah
should no more go over the earth,
so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you,
and will not rebuke you.

For the mountain may depart
and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,"
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

"O afflicted one, storm tossed and not comforted,
behold, I will set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.

I will make your pinnacles of agate,
your gates of carbuncles,
and all your walls of precious stones.

All your children shall be taught be the Lord,
and great shall be the peace of your children.

In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression,
for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you."

ISAIAH 54:1-14

Keep Me in Line (Please)

I have to keep reminding myself to breathe

Constantly wondering if I'm doing something wrong
Has begun to take a toll on me

And worrying that in this process I'll let someone down
Is almost too much for me to handle right now

Just trying to keep up
With the rules they never seem to run out of
Has kept me so busy
I dont have time to remember to do the little things
(like breathing)

I know we're thinking the same thoughts
And saying the same things
But in this loving that we're doing
Something is wrong
(Dont worry, they'll tell us soon enough)

I'm just doing the best that i can
And im trying really hard to make this work
I need your support
Please remind me to breathe

Excerpt from "Hinds Feet on High Places"

"'By night on my bed i sought him,
He whom my soul loveth so.
I sought- but i did not find him,
And now i will rise and go-

Out on the streets of the city,
And out on broad highway;
For he whom my soul so loveth,
Hath left me and gone away.'

The Page in the little songbook ended there, and she did not turn the leaf... Had she known or even dimly sensed what it would be like, would she, could she, possibly have consented to let him put the thorn in her heart? It was too late now: it was there. Love was there and pain too... Suddenly she remembered the last verse of the sad song which she had read, the last verse on the page she had not waited to turn over. it came whispering into her mind just as a little bird began to sing in one of the bushes beside her.

'And then- in the dawn i saw him,
He whom my soul loveth so.
I found him, held him, and told him
I could never let him go.'

Much Afraid ceased trembling and said to herself, 'I will go to the trysting-place and see if he is waiting for me there.'"


*NOTE: a trysting-place is a place where lovers meet.

Reason

This poetry,
These prayers,
They are like breathing to me now.
I dont have to think anymore,
As these feelings take shape on paper.

I feel so much.
I have so many emotions to sort through.
And to breathe them out,
In order to understand them a little better,
Is so much easier than stuffing them inside.

Does this at all make sense?

do you know me?
are you sure?
do you really know what happened?
or is it all just speculation?

and yeah i heard you gossiping.
heard the whispers,
saw the looks.

are you aware that i wasnt the victim?
that i was as stupid as anyone else in love.
and yeah, i should have been wiser,
but will you just let me live this down?

how do think it feels,
to be the elephant in the room.
to have to wonder what you are thinking of me,
when im just being myself.

do you know me?
have you looked into my heart?
what have you based your judgments on?
were you there?
did you see how it happend?

please just give us a chance.
we're trying to make this better,
cant you see that?

Unwanted Truths

Im having dreams...nightmares, rather

I see you covered in dust, still trying to make the world a better place

While you slowly fade away

You smile...seemingly in your own world

You've barely survived by pushing everything aside

And telling yourself that you are seeing something else

Your grey hair is falling out and your skin is wearing away

And I'm trying to reach out to you, but you don't seem to really see me

You are wasting away

I can see it all now

And now that you've arrived, it seems to be too late

You are off in a daze

Trying to make reality go away

Come, please take my hand

This isn't who you are

You used to be alive

The first to see past the obvious

The one who fought the hardest for the rest of the world

How did you not see it coming?

And how did you end up here?

I'm at a loss for what to say to you

I hate these dreams

Because in them i see the truth

The truth about me and you

Are we both now too far gone to get a hold on life?

Purple

Its just a weed, right?
No thing of great beauty
Not worthy of special attention
Just kill it
Get it out
And then dont think about it anymore

So many excuses
For the underlying cause
To kill what was unwanted
And you dont even blink twice
While the rest of us turn our heads away

But it was purple
Deep purple
Blooming every spring
In secluded places on the ground
It had four petals
And was full of purfume
And it was worth something to me

But you dont care about that do you?
It was in your yard; your territory
And you couldn't seem to control it
Couldn't control the blooms
Couldn't control the smell, the color
It came without your permission

That scared you didn't it?
And in a world already out of control
You've created 'havens' of threats and wars

To have something come
Something you didnt invite
You cant handle something so unpredictable

But it is so beautiful!
And so pure
A memory of what you left behind
But you cant see past your perfectionism

But you can change
Let it grow
Release your hurt
And watch it bloom into something beautiful
Just let it grow

Barefoot

~

Jesus, I just want to run away.

Run from this place.

Run from this life.

Run from this mess I made.

~

Yeah, I know I’m barefoot.

But it suits me this way.

It’s easier to run and to hide,

When I’m barefoot.

~

I just want to run.

Run down the road towards nowhere.

And to never, ever stop,

Not until I’m somewhere new.

~

Somewhere they don’t know me.

Somewhere I can change my name.

And start all over again.

And If I screw up there,

I suppose I’ll run.

And they won’t know where I’m going,

Because they won’t know where I’ve been.

~

Yes, I am barefoot.

It’s just easier this way.

Nothing slows me down.

Nothing to leave tracks.

Nothing to remind me of where I’m from

Or what I’ve done.

~

Jesus, can’t you just let me run away?

Just let me go!

I want to start again,

But this is just too big for me to clean up.

~

I just want to run.

Away from this life.

Away from these memories.

Away from my mistakes.

~

Let me go barefoot!

Let me run away!

Let me hide!

I just can’t fix this.

I can’t…

~

…But I can.

And I have to.

And I will.

Because I need to.

Jesus, will you be here?

Will you help me?

Please help me do this!

You Hurt Me

It hurt when you said that I wasn’t important,

Not with those words, but with others.

You were crazy to think that it wouldn’t matter to me.

Because it does…it does so much.

~

I do have a brain,

One that I frequently use.

But somehow you think you are smarter than me.

Smarter how?

You know more facts?

At least I can feel.

~

You hurt me when you said that because of my age,

I was of no use.

No use for thinking anyway.

I’m here to tell you that age has nothing to do with ability to think.

Smarter?

Maybe.

Better?

No.

~

And it hurts to think that no matter how much I think or write,

You will still see me the same way.

I’m a child to you, nothing more.

Of little use, right now anyway.

But later, then what?

I still won’t believe you.

~

It hurts when you look at me and I know what you are seeing.

I’m the same as the newborn baby to you.

Sweet, helpless, and ignorant.

But I’m not.

~

You hurt me a lot.

And right now I can’t forgive you.

Maybe later I will be able.

But right now it hurts too much.

~

I know the truth, though.

And no matter how many times you say,

That I couldn’t possibly understand the things that you do,

I will believe that I can and do.

Because I am the same as you.

~

You hurt me.

Did you know that?

Lullaby

She is terrified,

Of finding out what this world really is.

She is sure,

She will find some horrible thing out there.

~

So she cowers,

In a corner,

Crying her eyes out.

Too blind to see,

That I am what she needs.

~

Come to me!

Little daughter,

Small child of mine.

Let me hold you in my arms.

I’ll teach you how to fly.

~

She is deaf,

To my calls, because she listens too hard.

She is blind,

To the freedom I have for her.

~

So she hides,

In a closet,

Afraid of what’s outside.

And she is too scared,

To listen to my lullaby.

~

Hush now!

Sweet baby!

I know, I know your fears.

Be still, be quiet.

Rest.

It’s alright.

~

She is so beautiful,

But she can’t see that she is.

She is my love,

But in her terror doesn’t remember.

~

So she sleeps,

With fits of bad dreams,

She just can’t seem to rest.

She is too coiled up inside,

Too defensive.

~

Come my child, come.

I’ll protect you,

Don’t be afraid.

I am here, let me in.

You will be ok.

~

Rest my darling, rest.

Be still for a while.

And my love, don’t fear.

Don’t be afraid.

It’s alright.

John 4:1-42

I love the story of the woman at the well so much! it represents a lot to me. just how messed up she was, and Jesus didn't care! he forgave her, and chose to minister to her even though she was a screw up. it just shows me how we don't have to be "ok" in order to have Jesus talk to us. And then, the woman turned around and went a ministered to her village! she went and spread the news that Jesus was there, to talk to them all! and that he already knew everything they had done, there was nothing to hide. because he knew. and it was ok, because he would forgive them. because he still loved them. i don't know. that is my interpretation. pretty cool story i think.
Jessi

missing myself
and i cant seem to find
what it is i need to survive
~
i just disappeared
i'm supposed to hold on
but there are no hand-holds
~
fighting for something
i want to keep on
but they tell me there's no point
~
hoping against hope
our dreams for me are different
and i'm just trying to do whats right
~
i am missing myself
they tell me what i'm supposed to be
but i cant believe what they say
~
die to who i am
is that right or wrong?
i was made this way
~
i lost it
what ever it was
some lover i turned out to be
~
what does he see?
something i cannot find
i must have put it away somewhere
~
they tell me to focus on what i want
i want myself
they meant themselves
~
wishing against wishes
i cant forget my dreams
his wants, my wants
~
finding myself
i am on the path
to rebuilding a world that fell down

I am fighting a fight,
That was lost long ago
~
But I feel like I'm winning
~
I'm wanting things,
That I will never get
~
But I know One day they'll be mine
~
I should stop making wishes
That will never come true
~
But I can feel the magic in wishing
~
I'm only hurting myself
I will feel pain shortly
~
Maybe, but I am, at least, alive
~
I am hopeless
There is no way to get through
~
No, my heart feels
~
I should stop hoping
My hopes will fall
~
But already my hopes are coming true
~
I live in fairy tales
that will one day disappoint
~
But i have faith they will end in "Happily Ever After"
~
Let me dream...
My dreams do not disappoint